so much dependsupona fragmeantwanting to besomethingwanting to beanything
lol just
kidding. but like, actually not…? how does a poem get started? so much depends.
what i
can say, though, having recently returned from a writing retreat and immersing
myself in writing like never before, is that i have learned that i am a poet of
my hands in a way i never fully realized. don’t get me wrong, i love writing
lyric poetry. but i also need to get my hands in the work. i need to balance poetic
lines with handicraft: creating visual poems and collages that let me work with
material objects. feel and test how they move, bend, break. the delicate and at
times frustrating labour. the tactile investigation. how things are the way
they are andor ask for something different than what’s been given them. maybe
it’s my blue-collar background—i come from a family of very capable and knowing
hands. maybe it’s my attention span. maybe it’s that writing page-bound lines sometimes
kinda scares the shit out of me and sometimes i need reprieve, escape.
so on
any given day, a poem might begin with a thread (literally) or a thread
(figuratively). so much depends on how i’m feeling or what i need. sometimes I
need to stick with an image or idea and see it through on the page. i love the
careful strength of the line, whether finely wrought and bold or open and
unsure. i love writing alongside the people i’m reading. i love how an idea or
a fact or a feeling can become something bigger than itself or stay cozily
within its bounds. the waves of intensity and floaty head fog and satisfaction
of having written. the way you can write yourself out of what you need to or
else write yourself in.
writing
words and lines can be gorgeously sustaining. but sometimes i need the page to
be everything it’s not. i love sewing and stitching paper. i love dry transfer
lettering. i love the humility of working non-heroically, of being at the mercy
of whatever delicate thing under my hand wills. i am a person easily
overwhelmed by thought, by perfection, by the world at large. working with my
hands quiets me down, gets me out of my head, lets me refocus. that tear that
humbles. that stitch that doesn’t sit quite the way i intended. those cracked
letters.
sometimes
i need out of words, out of pages, or sometimes i need in them more deeply. sometimes
i need to open words up and see their guts. to parse the language of the page:
its edges, seams, tears, sutures. sometimes i need to unseat the surety of
things by breaking them down. sometimes destruction is necessary. sometimes
putting things back together is necessary. re-membering. i don’t know. i’m not
sure. but it’s okay. so much depends.
Kate Siklosi lives, writes and thinks
in Toronto. She is the author of numerous works of poetry and
criticism, both online and in print, including four chapbooks of poetry: 1956 (above/ground press 2019), coup (The Blasted Tree,
2018), may day (no press, 2018), and po po poems (above/ground press,
2018). She is also the co-founding editor of Gap Riot Press, a feminist experimental poetry small press.
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